Overwhelmed Feelings of Love Every time my fingers caress, My heart skips I confess, It brings an overwhelming joy, One I'm new to even as a boy, You make me weak at my knees, And It doesn't frighten me, so please, Stay for more if I give you reason, I'll love you to no end nor treason, I shall not mistreat, especially overlook The angel I've been gifted as if from a book, We have what dreams are made of, We rekindle with only a warm thought of love, Rejuvenation thy name is in you, Without you I wouldn't know what to do, Move in closer dear, for I'm here to stay, As I fall harder and faster in our love each new day, What beauty has brought me for life, The beauty of my most precious wife, I will give you everything I am as a man, I will give you the world just for your hand, Yours to hold interlaced in purity, They may never understand our verity, But so what if they don't we still have hearts, Made for each other in mind even our conjoining parts, Those moments of overwhelming bliss, Are never out of reach therefore I cannot miss, Every second I exist I'm falling in love with my soul mate, Reoccurring continuously refreshing eternal fate, What more can be written without circles spun, Though I am no where near completely done, I'll let it rest till the next time I can't sleep for I'm too far smitten, Then shall many more pages be written, Immortalized like our true passion, I can't even let go now, words of love remain left in my imagination....
Imagine being normal, everyone is doing good and alive. Your marriage is going great, newly weds, and new parents...
On October 31, 2010 at around 11ish a.m. my phone started to ring, on the other line is my grandmother panicking. The police department had called her, delivering news about her son aka my dad concerning an automobile accident. The officer wouldn't indulge on details. He insisted she come into the department immediately, I lived closer... I called him to see what had happened, I was given the run around too. Finally I was given a hospital name. I call them, "he's not a patient here". OK, now I'm confused. I called my in-laws to babysit, I knew my dad was hurt possibly dead. They came over immediately, ill/irritated/busy I know this specifically because on that day I managed to block out only one memory... I'll recap that memory later in this soul wrenching cry baby blog attempt. Anyway, when I was giving the in-laws a time detail explaining why I needed to head to a police department and hospital 45 minutes away my mother-in-law quickly told me, "what difference does it make if he is dead". Till this day, I sometimes want to confront her of this unforgiven statement. I never knew that I was capable of holding resentment for this long. OK maybe that's a lie, I never forget anything... A curse not a gift. So back to dad...
I head to the police station, escorted to the room of doom. "Is this your dad"? It was a picture of his license.
Oh now let's talk, now that you have me here spill... He began to tell me what happened on the 30th because Halloween fell on a Sunday. Dad had taken his ex wife out, the one he divorced because she cheated on him a few years before. She had "changed" and he gave her a second chance imagine that. Word of advice, what 'OKs' cheating or why do you forgive them? You stay somewhat broken forever... OK I'm ranting now, sorry. So anyway, dad took 'her' out to a local redneck bar. She had become intoxicated enough to pick fights and get kicked out. He took her back to brothers house and they then both got into a huge argument. She knocked him in his head with a helmet, dad decided to leave and as he walked out to his car another vehicle came flying in. A black truck chased him down, running him over. He crawled to the porch begging for help from her and the uncle who was apparently in the house too. They took their time about calling the police, she needed to get her things and leave with the murderer first. She left so then her uncle called 911, they were able to get a statement out of him but he lived long enough to make it to the helicopter pad. He died waiting for a more advanced hospital. I was told they actually had a liver waiting on him, his was ripped from his diaphragm and daddy suffered. He bled out, covered in road rash and broken bones.
Remember now, going back to the day I found out at the police department? My day had only begun I needed to go to the hospital and also identify his body. I told my mom and sister, they told one brother. I could not tell my grandma or other brother, yet... We all met at the lobby, as I spill the tragedy and explain what was needed next. My sister and I were escorted to the very bottom, the hell of the hospital. Before walking into the morgue I tried to mentally prepare myself... It's dad, he wasn't cleaned up. He still had his eyes open, the incubation tubing was still hanging out, blood splatters all through out his corpse. I remember his face looking so sad. Dad knew he was dying and so I defensively took the fight or flight stance. I flew from that memory. This shape his body was left in, I blocked it out for two years.
After two years, we finally go to court to convict the murderer. I'm finally getting answers and facing this devil. The guy who killed dad, Joshua Andrew Philips sets on stand claiming his innocence. He swore he clipped him, forensics proved otherwise by providing graphic details verbally and displaying photos on a large projector screen. I blocked all that out for two years and now here I am with my family reliving his murder. This guy is younger than me, he was raised by dad too. He ADMITTED on trial that dad was good to him... but because of him, we are viewing pictures of his last moments before and after he died. Autopsy pictures, every roadrash, tire indention, bruising, etc. The grimace on my family's face and the jury duty will always be with me, but watching Josh cry... seeing his mother cry made me pity him. Their sadness ended quickly, they went back to blaming us for his prison sentence in their heads we were taking Josh from them. Murder was acceptable, his life with them meant more and should move on because things happen.
(Lets recap)
Who is was he? Joshua Andrew Philips was dad's ex-wife's lover. Also her STEP NEPHEW, dad caught them together when he a young teen so he left. After his divorce, shortly after she married this kid but after many beatings from a drug abuser she left him. She's now the victim and runs to dad, he was always moving forward but went backwards for his adulteress ex-wife. He forgave more than any person in this world, good soul I guess. Taking her back took his life, I knew it in my heart that it would happen. In fact, the night before I remember saying she will cause my dad's death. She testified against Josh and walks away free. She played a huge role in dad's death, she text Josh the night she was kicked out of the bar. What's bad, she admitted to sleeping with Josh afterwards, sickening. Josh bragged to her about running him over like an old dog. Now here I am heart broken like I small child wanting to sit in daddy's lap and watch the races or hear daddy play the guitar. I live each day longing for a hug from him. I live each day knowing that Dad's parents and siblings are so heart broken. Losing a sibling is devastating and losing a parent is just empty feeling. My siblings are feeling what I feel, it's hell.
This is only the beginning of my journey, what's that old saying? "Death comes in threes?"
August 10, 1965 - October 31, 2010. Happy Birthday Daddy, we love and miss you dearly.
Hi, we are Hana and Warren Helms. Happily married since February 14, 2009 with two children. We are both very motivated, innovators, thoughtful, and yet silly. We'd like to invite as many readers as possible to follow us on our blog journey. Our goal is to cover a variety of topics, so enjoy!
